New Beginnings

Yesterday I spent remembering and celebrating the old year. Today, I'm making plans for the new one. College starts up in a week or so and I'll have to get back on an actually-go-to-bed and then wake-up-early schedule again. That will be an adventure, all right :D

As for resolutions, I've decided to read every day, write ever day, practice music/voice/German every day, and draw everyday. I want to get in shape. I miss being strong. I could pick my mom up when I was twelve XD Also, I must finish a draft of one of my stories. ANY of them. Just get it done. To list, the more serious and likely to be completed of my literary endeavors include Imperfect, a novella about an angel who falls in a guy's back yard, Kings of Darkness, where a jock "detective" is thrown in the midst of a massive power struggle in a fantasy world, That Story with Esme and Faun (unnamed as of yet), involving a quiet, clever gypsy and his sunny reckless sister in their chase to save his soul, and Shattered, a twisty turny retelling of Snow White spanning over a decade. I've seriously slacked in my writing. It's depressing.

This is a new year. It's an invisible stake we can put in the ground. It's where we can say: "I'll be better this time around." A better person, better at whatever things you treasure, better at learning, and better at being. And BBC's Sherlock is on today! I have been waiting so long for that :B

Huzzah, you all! Happy new year. Make it something special, 'cause you deserve it :3

What is the world beyond the stars?

What a beautiful phrase! Now be amazed, my friends. A seven year old wrote that. A seven year old. Just today. "What is the world beyond the stars". My baby brother. By little Brother1. He had Dear Sis write it up for him, since he still struggles with putting it down himself (he's an excellent reader, though--has abeen since he was four).

Here's the lyric. I wanna share this with you because I am so incredibly impressed.

What is the world beyond the stars?
Why are you sad?
There must be
Some way to see
Why those tears come down

I know you'll be the man
Go through the ways the darkness
Come back with not even a scar
You'll that you are the man
How can you be sad?

Oh dear how are you?
Because I don't know how are you?
Oh dear how are you?
Because I don't know how are you?

(Next Verse)

There's a way through every sadness
I have seen it true
You can see the land through the winter
The summer
Even spring

You know there's no way to be sad
Through this summer day
Everything's good
Nothing's bad
Just fight the sadness

Oh dear how are you?
Because I don't know how are you?
Oh dear how are you?
Because I don't know how are you?

What kind of seven year old writes like that? He can't carry a tune for the life of him, bless his heart. But I think my brother's a poet.

Pleasures vs. Habits

"First you form habits, then habits form you."

That's something pretty much everyone's heard around here, right? What I'm quickly starting to realize as I grow through life is just how sad these habits can be. Things I used to love doing -- things I would do every single day just because they were so darn awesome -- become habits. Something that is forever a part of my day, whether I like it or not.

Y'know, I used to enjoy making up a smoothie. Now it's something I expect, and even when I have it, the drink doesn't hit the spot like it used to. No tantalizing titillation of fireworks twisting over my taste buds to be found. What's worse is that when it doesn't happen, I just feel sad.

I've taken part in lots of online forums. Some were wonderful. Some were lacking. Some I still adore. And some I am attached to, in a way I'd rather not be. I keep up with these in an almost obsessive manner that blocks out the sunshine from my days and keeps me glued to the computer. I feel awful if I don't check them and unsatisfied even when I do.

While I'm on the topic of satisfaction, I'm quickly realizing how lacking that is in my life as of now. EVERYTHING is disappointing me. My favorite songs don't send my heart thumping anymore. I can't pay attention to books. Food I used to love is lacking. Everywhere I go, just about anything I do, leaves me feeling vacant. Like there's something missing from what I've just done. Like I hadn't really done it at all.

Don't think for a moment I'm unhappy. This post is certainly coming across far gloomier than I intended it to be. I guess I'm just growing up and losing my childish joy. It's weird; I always thought I'd be one of those people to play shamelessly like a kid when I was thirty-something.

I'm starting college this fall and very excited for that. I'm going to take a class in drawing that I'm really looking forwards too. There's also a musical I intend to audition for this winter. Family's over this July, and my dear mama's birthday is only a few days away. Overall, I'm looking forwards to the future (here's where I start singing Thanks for the Memoriesby Fall out Boy. Heheh XD), and I'm enjoying my now.

I do, however, think I need to eat more fruit. It's such a shame the watermelon's so bad this year. *pouts*

To Be or Not to Be

To Be or Not to Be

It’s such a darn famous quote. I can’t count all the times I’ve heard it or a reference to it. Trouble is I don’t even really know what it means. See, it’s not like we have a choice. You’re pretty much stuck ‘being’, as Miss Dorothy Parker pointed out:

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

But back on topic. You’re stuck being. The question isn’t whether or not to continue existing in my opinion, because no matter how horrible the world gets you always have a chance if you are only alive. I’ve nothing against Shakespeare; in fact I rather respect him. He was a great comedian and a good writer in his time. But when it comes to me, the question is not ‘yes or no’, but what. What should you be, that is the question!

Every day, every minute of our lives is a choice. Who am I going to be? What am I going to be? What we are is the choices we make, nothing more, nothing less. I choose to snap at my family, I choose to explain myself and apologize later. I choose to write, to create and to practice my art, because an artist is something I want to become. I choose to try when it comes to my sister, to fight for her, because our relationship means the world to me. I choose to be there for my brothers, even after they throw fits and scream, because they’re gosh darn cute and so very, very sweet. I choose to be who I am, because whatever someone thinks or what they say or how they feel, it’s their actions that define them in the light of history. It’s what they do with themselves that should make you decide whether or not to bother.

Everyone has excuses, and near everyone deserves pity and love for one reason or another. That doesn’t make what they choose to do any better; only more understandable. I’ve had the luck to grow up in a world that loves me, with people who have chosen to devote their lives to myself and my siblings with the best out of their circumstances. I won’t lie and say that hasn’t shaped me in who I am, and I would be a very different person having lived a different life. But even then, there is always a choice. I could choose 'to be' whatever the heck I want, any day, right now. It wouldn’t be easy, and it isn’t, but the more we chose the more those choices shape us, the easier they are to make. That choice is one we all decide every day, every second: Who am I going to be?

Yesterday

Late Night rocks. I mean really rocks. It'd be nice if all the 'bars' were open longer, but hey. It still totally rocks. If I were to sum up yesterday in a couple words, I guess I'd have to say "I played Late Night". That's just about it, heheh - I usually obsess over sims after getting a new EP, at least for a while. But let me think; I know I did a bit more than that.

I did try a magic trick with Brother1. Brother2 wandered around in a Darth Vader costume, and chased after the bigger boy with a pillow. Dear sister and I baked muffins. I practiced piano. We all watched that really cute TV show Raising Hope (which is just adorable, I'll have to post about it sometime). I wanted to get some typing and/or drawing done yesterday, be eh. It didn't happen. I role-played for a wee bit at the end of the day; that was fantastically fun, and I got some practice writing while I was at it. Beyond that I guess I just played with my newest Sims 3 expansion pack, random bits of chatter, observation, and food preparation not included.

On my stories

I've started writing Kings of Darkness, yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Yip, you heard right. Yesternight I poured out over 3000 words, which was wonderful. For probably the first time in my life I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was going to go. I am so, so happy for that, and I've gone pretty far too. I decided to try using Phoenix Shifter as the main character; I might change my mind later, but why not give it a go? She'll be Emily in this one (partly from the advice of Dear Sister), though, because it makes her a little more ordinary and I want her to be someone you can really connect with - someone whose eyes you can clearly see the land of Glorsifil through.

The trouble is that K.o.D. is only one of many stories I'm in the middle of writing. To put matters in perspective, here are just a few of the others:

An as of yet unnamed story about a man gone mad, his freaky psychologist, and his desperate attempts to go home and be with his family. The story follows Theodore and the other wards and workers in a mental hospital, exploring the idea of insanity and unraveling the mystery behind his mental illness and his new companions.

Dreams of Eden, a story about six miserable children who start dreaming of one another in a special, perfect place. Soon they learn that there is more to these dreams than meets the eye and set off on a long journey to find one other in their hidden paradise.

Twisted, a retelling of Snow White. Beatrice von Iden is a princess in her own right, and as her beloved step-mother taught her she has both a right and duty to all the privileges and obligations therein. When one day in the Queen's childhood castle, Beatrice - or Snow White, as she is fondly nicknamed - stumbles across the mystic Mirrors from her step mother's Fairies' Tales, her perfect world is slowly ripped apart as the years continue, driving her and the Queen further and further apart and throwing her into the hands of her worst nightmare and ancient enemies, the dwarves.

And those are just the most prominent at the moment. I'm still planning on writing a lot more stories in the world of Arrivia (the setting where my self-published sci-fi Project 6-1-2 takes place), for one thing, or a mystery about this guy and this girl trying to unravel their pasts, or another post-apocalyptic story. As you can see, I'm kind of overloaded. But that's okay, I guess, because yesterday I realized something I'd forgotten for a long, long while: I really, really do love to write. I hope one of these days I can make a career out of it, but I know now that I’ll be typing for the rest of my life.

Sad Endings and Mush

Now, I understand that everyone has different tastes, and that's just fine. It's a good thing, I guess. I mean if everyone in the world wanted to be a journalist and nothing else we'd have some serious problems, wouldn't we? ;-) But I - well, I just really really don't like sad endings.

First off, the whole point of reading or watching anything is to feel good, isn't it? And a sad ending really doesn't leave me feeling good. Besides, if the whole time the movie has been building and building up to 'How are these characters possibly going to get out of this?' Then BAM, they just don't, I feel rather cheated.

I guess a lot of times people are just going for an 'impact' when they kill off your favorite character or make all hope lost. And I suppose that in some cases that makes sense; Romeo and Juliet probably wouldn't be near as famous if they'd both survived, eh? But if the impact is a sad one that leaves you feeling miserable - I just don't see the point. Ugh, and I hate those endings that leave you crying and crying when really nothing could ever have been done differently by most the characters, like in The Phantom of the Opera. *sigh*

ANYHOW I couldn't think of anything else to post about, and since I'm suffering from the dreaded Writer's Block, my fall back ended up book related today. What’s really on my mind is whether or not I should completely switch out May Petersen from Kings of Darkness since she doesn't really have much of a personality, but then someone pointed how it's nice in that kind of an adventure for a character to lack much distinction, just so you could imagine that you were the one going through all this wonder whilst she does. My brain feels like mush and I ended up deciding I'll try switching out main characters and write for a while. I might scrap it later and start from scratch once more, but I might love it, too. We’ll see. Wish me luck, please!

I can draw now!

...In that my drawings aren't horrible failures anymore. I'm actually okay, I think. Do you know what it took? (you'll hate me:) PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. And more practicing like crazy. Daddy said I was drawing 24/7 at one point.

Here are a couple sketches (some old, some new) that I'm rather happy with:

This is Phoenix Shifter. She's a spunky sweet countrygirl that can spout fire at will.

That's Chibi Dear Sister and me. Chibi is a cutesy style I use when I'm lazy.

This is Phoenix again. I kind of gave up when I got to the collarbone.

This one is a bit awkward, but I like it nevertheless. She's Aletheia Pierce, a gypsy daughter of Hermes (Ancient Greek God of anything that travels the road - diplomats, thieves, tricksters, thieves, merchants, THIEVES... et cetera.).

Again, Aletheia. Only now she's with her father.

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So I've got tons more where that came from. But these are just a few of the ones that I can look at without screaming in horror. Thanks for checking 'em out, and do comment!

Sick and Tired

Well, I'm getting over my cold, but it's left me very, very weak and tired. It's funny, isn't it, how often people say 'I'm sick and tired'? Well, now I can say it quite literally.

Anyhow, I started an online school and it's actually kind of fun. I have fun writing the essays and reports, but there sure are a lot of them. The cool thing about this program is that after a year of doing it I can go to college for two years FREE (books included!). That really excites me, as I'd like to get the whole business over and done with ASAP. It's also nice because I can stay home and spend time with my family, if I have questions I can get them answered, and it's more of a one-on-one thing than school is, so I can get more out of it. I've never been to school, and I never want to, but this is kind of fun...I just have to finish this unit for all my courses (psychology, English 1, Algebra 1--my favorite!--, world history, and Latin--which I haven't gotten yet) by the end of September. I'm hoping I can do it!

I guess that's the scoop for now... I'm trying to post more often for unknown reasons, so all those people who enjoy reading my blog (being who...?) MAY be getting a treat.

Thanks for reading!


Galaxy