Kings Of Darkness: (the attack on Rariila)

Here's some of Kings Of Darkness (right now May--form our world--is stuck in the magical land of Glorsifil, she and the rest of the Rebels are trying to evacuate Rariila--a small town--before the evil King Ronan comes to kill all of them because they are the Rebels allies, Gloria, a ghost, can make people appear in different locations, in this case she's trying to get all of the women and children to the Rebel Base)

“I think that’s everyone, did we miss anyone, Ghedric?” Darren said to a tall dark man. Ghedric seemed to be 20, he had black thick hair that looked untamed. His eyes were brown, he didn’t look to happy.
“No, I think we are ready to leave… Will Gloria be able to get all the woman and children out before long?” Ghedric said uneasily.
“She already has two thirds… Yes, I think so…” Fred said.
“Think? Think!? We don’t have time to think! This is their lives we have at stake! Their lives!!! Maybe we should take some of them with us!” said a man in the crowd.
“You know we hardly have enough horses for all of us; the sick can barely keep their heads up, let alone ride a steed, the children must stay with their mothers, besides, all of them will be there before us, even if they leave later,” countered Fred.
“That is the problem! They will leave later!”
“There is nothing we can do… We are trying our best! I understand your fear more than you think… But we must leave if we are to live… Ronan will attack soon,” Darren said this sympathetically yet commandingly.
“Very well, but if one of my family-or anyone’s for that matter-is missing!” the man did not finish his threat.
“They will be there.”
“Darren!” May called, giving the appearance of just arriving.
“Hello May!” he answered. “Ghedric, this is May,”—Ghedric dipped his head in greeting—“and May, this is my good friend—and Fredrick’s cozen—Ghedric, leader of Rariila.”
“Pleasure,” said May.
“Of course,” he said.
“May, we best be going,” said Fred. “We have to back at base by the time Ronan attacks.”
“Alright… I guess I have to get back on one of those things?” she said gesturing to the horses.
“Yes, you do,” said Darren as he swung on one.
“You don’t like horses?” asked Ghedric
“No, I can’t stand them… they just… they're so big… I feel like if I get on one I’ll-I’ll fall to my death… Crazy, right?”
“No, not crazy at all, I feel the same way. You just have to train yourself to forget. I always thought I was the only one in the world!”
“Yeah, me too. All the rest of my family loved… Never mind… Let’s get out of here, time is of the essence.”
Darren looked down at May. He hadn’t known her for that long, but he could tell that she was very sad. He knew why… it was hard to lose ones family… He knew that very well. He reached down a hand to her.
“Come on May, let’s go home…”
May took his hand and clambered up without much difficulty.
“RUN FOR YOU LIVES!!! HE’S COMING!!! GET ON YOUR HORSES AND GET OUT! HE’S COMING!!!” screamed a voice.
May looked behind herself, she saw a man with a bloody face riding towards them.
“You heard him!” Darren yelled. “Gloria, do we have everyone!?”
“NO!!! I need ten minutes!” she said panicked.
Darren turned to the man.
“Forest, how long?!”
“Five.”
“We need to slow them down!”
People started disappearing at an astonishing rate.
May’s mind raced. She had to think of something.
We are in no way ready to fight… May remembered the Ma’Ge’s words…
“Can the women ride horses?”
“What?!” said Fred and Darren.
“Why don’t we switch!? I’m sure we can hold them off long enough for Gloria to get us out! I don’t see why the women here can’t ride horses. Unless they're all like me, that is.”
“What?” said Fred and Darren; such a thing had never occurred to them.
“It seems like it could work,” said Ghedric smiling. “We have to hurry. Darren, you and Fred get the women to the horses, there are less of them than us now, they should be able to take the children with them… it’s risky, but less than leaving them in the thick of battle… I’m sure we could tie the children on so they wouldn’t fall… What are you waiting for?!! We don’t have time!”

So, here's my story. If you have any questions about this segment, please tell me. I won't give you any more. No matter how much you beg. Seriously.

What do you think?