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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Now I'm finally posting after and eon-long brake... really, I don't know why I haven't been... mainly, I suppose, because the 'magic' from blogging has disappeared, and this has almost become a chore.

And I'm awfully lazy.

Even more so with this terrible arthritis problem (and I haven't gotten better yet... ay-ay-ay, it's almost been a year now!).

But the other thing is that I'm terribly tidy. If a drawer isn't closed all the way, it drives me crazy. If the fringes on the carpet aren't smoothly facing one direction, I have to fix it, otherwise I sit (twitching) as I go absolutely mad. But I'm too lazy to get up for the most part, unless I happen to notice it when I'm already up.

That's another thing about me. I hate getting up, but when I already am standing I don't mind going somewhere or doing something as much, if at all. And I hate getting things set up. Like if all the sudden I appeared in front of the computer ready to type a post with my hands on the keyboard, I'd have hundreds (depending, of course, on how often this odd apparition occurred). If I appeared sitting in front of the piano, I'd practice. If I appeared with the Latin book by me and Dear Sister actually ready to practice (like that's ever gonna happen) I'd do it...
It's the getting up and going to the computer, the walking all the way to the piano, finding the Latin book and getting Rose to co-operate that I find hard. I guess that's why I never really succeeded when I tried Violin... I love the sound of it, and I think it's beautiful, and besides of the discomfort, I enjoy playing it... but tightening the horse hair and rosining the bow, tuning the strings and attaching the shoulder rest was just too much. I'm odd that way.

On a different topic, I really miss performing. I want to dance for people. I want to hear people applaud, and I want to make them laugh and cry. I want to become another person again... someone different, and I want to make people believe it. But I can't, because I can barely move throughout the day. I need to remember to take my Naproxum(sp?) Sodium (the medication that lessons the pain--it doesn't make it disappear).
It may seem odd that someone so lazy as I could want to dance and sing and perform, but that's different. Loosing myself in, moving to and singing with music (especially in front of others) has always been a part of me, and I miss that. I miss standing on my toes. And I miss plays. I miss being able to stand up in front of hundreds of people in the Youth Plays and making them think I'm someone else.

But I shouldn't dwell on the past, those are things I can't have now, and can't do any longer. Maybe, maybe some day I can perform for a crowd, or dance for the world again, but now I can't, and what really matters is that I did once. I lived my dream, if only so long ago. I had it, so I should merely be happy for that and not long for it. How many people get to live their dream at all, let alone before they're even a teenager?

I should think about Kings of Darkness: the Reining Night. Which will be done in June. WILL (I hope):

I've been editing it for a while now and have almost finished my first go-over. Dear Sister is reading it so I can get her opinion, and I plan to show it to a friend of mine who is drawing the map for me as soon as it's done.

Mainly, I can't wait to show my parents.

Who don't even like that genre.

But they'll read it anyway.

So, I guess that's all I really have to say... there were a couple other things I wanted to mention, but this post is getting way too long and I want to finish it before I go to D&D, which will be really soon.

So be expecting at least a couple more posts coming soon, and maybe I'll be posting more often now. It sure was nice to vent all this.

All my adoration to my dear readers,