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Monday, June 27, 2011

Pleasures vs. Habits

"First you form habits, then habits form you."

That's something pretty much everyone's heard around here, right? What I'm quickly starting to realize as I grow through life is just how sad these habits can be. Things I used to love doing -- things I would do every single day just because they were so darn awesome -- become habits. Something that is forever a part of my day, whether I like it or not.

Y'know, I used to enjoy making up a smoothie. Now it's something I expect, and even when I have it, the drink doesn't hit the spot like it used to. No tantalizing titillation of fireworks twisting over my taste buds to be found. What's worse is that when it doesn't happen, I just feel sad.

I've taken part in lots of online forums. Some were wonderful. Some were lacking. Some I still adore. And some I am attached to, in a way I'd rather not be. I keep up with these in an almost obsessive manner that blocks out the sunshine from my days and keeps me glued to the computer. I feel awful if I don't check them and unsatisfied even when I do.

While I'm on the topic of satisfaction, I'm quickly realizing how lacking that is in my life as of now. EVERYTHING is disappointing me. My favorite songs don't send my heart thumping anymore. I can't pay attention to books. Food I used to love is lacking. Everywhere I go, just about anything I do, leaves me feeling vacant. Like there's something missing from what I've just done. Like I hadn't really done it at all.

Don't think for a moment I'm unhappy. This post is certainly coming across far gloomier than I intended it to be. I guess I'm just growing up and losing my childish joy. It's weird; I always thought I'd be one of those people to play shamelessly like a kid when I was thirty-something.

I'm starting college this fall and very excited for that. I'm going to take a class in drawing that I'm really looking forwards too. There's also a musical I intend to audition for this winter. Family's over this July, and my dear mama's birthday is only a few days away. Overall, I'm looking forwards to the future (here's where I start singing Thanks for the Memoriesby Fall out Boy. Heheh XD), and I'm enjoying my now.

I do, however, think I need to eat more fruit. It's such a shame the watermelon's so bad this year. *pouts*

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